“I don’t know jack squat about sports, plumbing, or how to fix your car.”
We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share assumptions that people make about them based on their sexuality. Here are the things they told us:
1. That there is such a thing as being “too pretty” to be a lesbian or bisexual woman.
“I’ve been told I’m â€˜too pretty to be a lesbian’ and that â€˜I don’t even act like a lesbian.’ How in the hell is a lesbian supposed to act?!” –Submitted by Brittany Fallis (Facebook)
“That I am â€˜too pretty’ to like women. As if I am some lost prize to the male species.” –Submitted by Nicole Pilovsky (Facebook)
“Telling me I am too attractive to be queer.” –Submitted by Katie Knorr (Facebook)
2. That you are part of the super-secret underground lesbian railroad: Everyone knows everyone.
“The assumption that all lesbians know each other. â€˜My cousin works with a girl whose roommate is a lesbian. Do you know her?'” –Submitted by angelaw409cbdcbb
“Another assumption people seem to have is that you and some complete stranger they introduce to you are going to become best friends and/or should date each other because you are both gay. Meanwhile, we could have NOTHING else in common…” –Submitted by Allyson MimiPinkdot Michelle (Facebook)
“That I’m either dating or friends with every lesbian that a person knows.” –Submitted by lilydesmond
“When you’re going out to a party and ask who else is going to be there and the response is, â€˜Oh, my friend Britney is going! She’s a lesbian ;)’ I don’t say, â€˜My friend John is going to be there! He’s a heterosexual ;)'” –Submitted by katea47f60d135
3. That because you’re familiar with the equipment, you must be a complete genius in the bedroom.
“â€˜Women just know what other women want, ifyaknowwhatimean…’
NOPE. I was just as clueless as anyone else during my first sexual experience with a lady. I’m pretty sure I said one of the cringeworthiest things EVER immediately after I went down on her, thinking I was being â€˜smooth,’ and I’d prefer not to repeat it due to shame. However, I will say that it sounded like what would end up on Tinder Fails or some equivalent website. I might as well have put on a fedora and tipped it at her vagina.” –Submitted by jlane
“Dear Straight Boys,
Unfortunately I am not a lady whisperer and cannot offer you any magical words of wisdom on how to read women’s minds. It is as much of a mystery to me as it is to you. IF ONLY I were the mermaid vampire oracle of sexuality that some of you think I am.
One day…” –Submitted by Erin Fitzpatrick
“A big assumption that’s made when people find out I’m a lesbian is that I find men completely repulsive. Not true! If a straight girl can appreciate the beauty of Jennifer Lawrence, a gay girl can appreciate the beauty of Bradley Cooper!” –Submitted by jaynee2
“â€˜All lesbians must hate/be grossed out by penises.’ As if straight women all wake up one day, realize they hate vaginas, and so they decide to start dating men. I’m not a lesbian because you assume I’m anti-dick. I’m a lesbian because I’m attracted to women.
And PS: If lesbians *really* hated penises, would there be such a robust dildo industry? Probably not.” –Submitted by briecamembert
“People automatically assume that because I’m a lesbian I hate men. That’s not true.” –Submitted by kristenk
5. That you’re a super-rugged lumberjane, prepped to fix anything and build anything at a moment’s notice!
“Everyone assume that since I’m a butch lesbian, I can fix anything. Car engine busted? Better call the lesbian!” –Submitted by saras428fa9559
“Everybody always assumes I live in Ikea and love to build things. Ikea is a scary maze to me, and NO! I do not want to build your new bookshelf.” –Submitted by ashleyd75
“People, even other lesbians, assume that I love to go camping. I hate it. I’ve always hated it, and I will always hate it. I came out a little later than most (29) and I can’t tell you the number of people who thought that just because I was â€˜gay now,’ I would love camping too. Nope. My idea of camping is staying at an EconoLodge!” –Submitted by Jaimet2
“1. That I drive a Subaru.
2. That I’m a sports fiend.
3. That I couldn’t possibly be an opera aficionado.
4. That I like cats. Ick.”
–Submitted Cathy Lewis (Facebook)
“I don’t know jack squat about sports, plumbing, or how to fix your car. I get this most from my female friends that assume I know this stuff. Sorry, sugar, I can’t help you fix your flat tire just because I like girls.” –Submitted by Coriem3
7. That if you’re butch, you prefer femmes — and vice versa.
“That I can only like either super â€˜fem’ women or super â€˜manly looking’ women. That I can’t like both or that there is no in between.” –Submitted by nichijj
8. That you have the U-Haul company on speed dial because you’re just gunning to settle down.
“People immediately assume that I’m in a committed relationship because that’s â€˜what lesbians do.’ HELL NO, I’M MARRIED TO MY BED.” –Submitted by reesekatej
9. That something in your past — be it a sexual or personal experience — caused you to be this way.
“Some dudes assume that you just lack the â€˜right’ sexual experience. That somewhere, between a pair of man-thighs, lies something so incredible and so powerful that it will simply change my mind about the world. About my feelings toward women.” –Submitted by Michelle RJ Rotuno-Johnson (Facebook)
“That I was abused in some way as a child — um, no, were you? When has it ever been OK to ask a casual stranger if they were molested as a child??” –Submitted by Sy Monroe (Facebook)
“The assumption that because I have slept with a man in the past, I am completely incapable of maintaining a serious and/or monogamous relationship with a woman. This is SO pervasive and insulting. Part of it is bi-erasure, part of it might be bitterness if someone in their circle acted badly in the past, but none of it is OK. Getting rejected sucks; facing it repeatedly because of someone’s bizarre and incorrect ideas about what your sexuality means is depressing.” –Submitted by Sonnet Fitzgerald (Facebook)
10. That you are very very very interested in threesomes. All the time.
“A lot of men assume lesbian couple means â€˜two women to have a threesome with.’ I can’t count how many times I’ve had to clear that up. I really don’t think it should be such a hard concept.” –Submitted by Tessa Gold (Facebook)
“I get asked for a LOT of threesomes.” –Submitted by aliciareneeg
11. That you will sleep with any woman, simply because they are a woman and you have no other standards.
“After a co-worker found out that I was a lesbian, she asked if I was attracted to her. Then she started going down the list of all females at work to see if I was attracted to them. I told her just because I was queer doesn’t mean I am attracted to all females.” –Submitted by Nancy Parks Seymour (Facebook)
“I know it sounds like a myth, but I really find it’s true that straight women proposition me and seriously expect me to want to sleep with them just because they’re straight but want to try sleeping with a woman.” –Submitted by Jennyiglado
“Other females have assumed that I would be attracted to them because they are women… Not quite, you’re not my type!” –Submitted by hannahm4d7a02301